After several rounds of Clomid without conception, our RE decided it was time for us to come back in for the dreaded "what do we want to do next" appointment. This was in April. The month of May was a very busy month for us, so we decided we would reconvene in June. He gave us the option of doing one more round of Clomid in May, if for no other reason then to keep the ovary stimulation up. I almost didn't do it. I was going to be out of town, in Texas visiting a friend, for a week in May, come home for a week, then Jared left for a week. Not a great schedule for baby making! Then, as we got closer to my trip to Austin, we realized ovulation was supposed to fall right around my trip - fan-freaking-tabulous! I almost thought about cancelling postponing my trip. However, we had made the decision a long time ago to not allow our dreams of family to control our every move. We would "move when the spirit says move, stay when the spirit says stay." So off I flew to Texas... to one of the best visits with friends to date. I mean look at these people - how could it not be GREAT!?!
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| I tried to sneak Noah back in suitcase... he seemed pretty cool with the idea;-) |
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| Such a little OT! (Ovary Tugger!) |
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| My sweet friend, Michelle! How I wish we lived closer!! |
So I came back from Texas, and re-entered the real world... and honestly, my arms were aching to hold my own baby, after spending an entire week with such a sweet little angel in Texas. It looked like I had ovulated in Texas. I had consciously decided not to do any sort of testing while I was out of town. What few clues I was left with upon my return home indicated that we had missed our opportunity that month. Life went on, and we looked forward to June and deciding what was our next step.
TMI alert:
I came home from work one evening, beyond exhausted, and very, yet vaguely, uncomfortable. It took the genius nurse inside me way more time then it should have to realize I was experiencing my first ever urinary tract infection. I now have a great deal more sympathy for those who suffer for those horrendous infections. Ugh! I called my fertility specialist, and he immediately put me on a "embryo safe" antibiotic, just in case, as well as some pyridium (a urinary analgesic that turns your pee brick red/burnt orange - creepy crazy!) 24 hours later, I am new woman. Of course, everyone starts telling me "You know, UTI's can be the first sign of pregnancy, etc..." To which I simply smiled and said "Yes, I realize this, but I am pretty sure that is not the case for me." I had been cramping pretty severely for over a week, my face was broken out, I had horrible headaches... all signs my next cycle was getting ready to start.
I took a test on day 28 (but I am 30-31 day cycle girl) since it fell on a Friday. My RE always had me test the Friday closest to my start date, in case I did happen to get preggers, and needed progesterone, etc... I had nearly forgotten to take the test, but remembered as I was running out the door for work. I ran back upstairs, and squeezed out a few drops of burnt orange pee, but only waited ~2 minutes, as I was already running late. I barely could make out the control line, thanks to me lovely new urine hue. "Well that was a waste of yet another test," I thought, as I laid the test on the counter, and ran out the door.
This same afternoon was when I bought this picture, which I blogged about here
When I came home from work, I saw the test laying on the counter. In case you have never had to "try to conceive" for any length of time, allow me to fill you in on a little secret - we TTCers pull our tests out of garbage multiple times, for no less then 24 hours, just in case our eyes were working the other 50 times we looked. Don't judge. I glanced down at the barely legible test and thought just maybe I saw a second line???????
This is definitely NOT the first time I had tried to convince myself there was a second line... wasted lots of money this way! My heart did the typical race-a-way on me, etc... Instead of downing some water, and peeing on yet another stick, I threw the test in the trash, walked out of the bathroom, and went to sit on our bed. We were going to be celebrating our anniversary that weekend, before Jared went out of town for the week. The past several holidays and celebrations had been somewhat marred by my unmet desire for a baby. I sat there and prayed that God would help me be completely grateful for all He blessed me with, so much beyond what I deserved. I have the worlds greatest husband - really. He is the best friend I have ever had, and could ever want. So what if I didn't have a baby - I had something so few people ever get to enjoy. I have a beautiful, life long partnership, with my best friend, who happens to love more then I ever thought possible. I was not going to let my little pity party ruin our beautiful celebration. I wrote about our anniversary here. We had a wonderful time together, and while the "no baby" deal was still in the back of my mind, it didn't rob my joy, or keep me from being present in the moment.
Sunday morning, as I woke up to get ready for church, I was laying in bed and realized "hmmm... I am actually 2 days late, my boobs are killing me, and I am not bloated (I can easily gain 6-8 lbs of water weight prior to starting my period.) I figured I should probably take a test before Jared went out of town, just in case. So I stumbled to the bathroom, and realized I didn't have any more of the First Response Tests, which I prefer and usually take. Luckily, I had another brand, and gave it a good pee. Now usually, I make myself wait at least 5 minutes before looking, otherwise I will just stand there watching the urine move across the screen for the entire 3 minutes the tests requires to complete. I set the test on the counter, got up from the toilet and out of the corner of my eye I saw a very foreign sight
Sunday morning, as I woke up to get ready for church, I was laying in bed and realized "hmmm... I am actually 2 days late, my boobs are killing me, and I am not bloated (I can easily gain 6-8 lbs of water weight prior to starting my period.) I figured I should probably take a test before Jared went out of town, just in case. So I stumbled to the bathroom, and realized I didn't have any more of the First Response Tests, which I prefer and usually take. Luckily, I had another brand, and gave it a good pee. Now usually, I make myself wait at least 5 minutes before looking, otherwise I will just stand there watching the urine move across the screen for the entire 3 minutes the tests requires to complete. I set the test on the counter, got up from the toilet and out of the corner of my eye I saw a very foreign sight
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh," and so on and so forth for the next 30 seconds. Every month, I had planned a very special and unique way to tell Jared we were expecting, in case it ever happened. Not this month - nothing! I ran from the bathroom, with my hair going everywhere, yesterday's eye makeup smeared garishly across my face, and shook him awake, somewhat violently. "LOOK!" I said, as I shoved the test mere inches from his face.
Jared:What on earth is that, and what does it mean, he asked groggily.
Me Um... I think I might be pregnant.
Jared: You think you think you might be pregnant, or you really think you are pregnant.
Me: I think I kinda might be pregnant, you don't get false positives this far out on clomid.
Jared: Go pee on another test.
Me: I can't, I just peed!
Jared: Go drink some Sunny D - it worked for Juno. (Seriously!?!?)
We decided to go ahead and go to church, and afterwards stop and pick up the brand I usually used. I gulped down as much shower water as I could, and hurried to get ready. Right before we left, I grabbed two more tests - the last one from the kit I had just opened, and one crappy generic test my RE had said to NEVER use, as it would never give me an early positive. This is what we saw 30 seconds later:
Me: Babe, I think this might really be happening....
I held his hand so tight the entire way to church. My heart was racing, my head was spinning somewhere off to right of my right shoulder, and I my breathing was labored. We agreed we wouldn't breathe a word to any family or friends at church, so we put on our best poker faces, and walked in. I cried off and on through out the entire worship service... emotions that I can even begin to describe.
As luck would have it, Jared's sisters wanted to go to lunch with us after the longest church service I had ever sat through (I honestly have NO idea what the message was about!) Finally, after lunch we headed off to the drug store to pick up additional tests. And yes, by this point we had 3 positive tests at home. Jared wasn't going to be convinced until he saw "pregnant" on one of those dreaded digital tests, so we picked up tests "for" him and tests for me, and headed home.
As this has gotten way too long already, I will leave you with these images:)
More to come, but later! This I need a nap... before going to be for the night:)
