Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Life Lately... in pictures!

A picture is worth 1,000 words, right? Well, here is a glimpse into our life this spring semester (and it might require a few posts.)

As always, there were the trips to Nashville to visit my family, which of course always revolved somewhat around basketball.
Baby Sis ballin' it up court

#12 in honor of one of her older brother's



"Babiest" bro... who is now finishing his junior year of high school! ;-/

Dude in the yellow, in the background, would be the coach - our dad!


Our wonderful NCC Warrior "Family"

Family and friends supporting, cheering, and watching

World's Greatest Coach, and Dad!



I love getting to watch my siblings compete in basketball - makes big sister so proud! My dad is pretty darn entertaining to watch coach - brings out a totally different side of him! I should do a blog just on the many faces of Coach Elliott coaching!:)

We also had lots of basketball back home too - Jared "coached" our girls intramural basketball team!:) He does such a good job coaching the ladies, but I think he realized football was more his calling. We had several forfeits, so Jared and some of our guys ended up playing too.
First warm-up before the first game - lots of nerves!

Coach trying to figure out how to manage all that estrogen!

Getting in on the game himself

Way to post up, Whit!



The girls did great, but didn't win the championship. However, some of our girls were Intramural 4 on 4 Football champs!


My brother Daniel made his way up to visit us! So nice to get to visit family without having to leave our home for once! (And yes, I realize this is the price I pay for moving away from every.single.one. of my family members.) We had a great time playing cards with friends, playing outside, and "breaking" into an abandoned psych facility - for real!
He ALWAYS has to show off his card trick!

Pick a card, any card...

Austin Neal, can we get a Re-DEAL!?!?

Laurie and Whit- our "daughters"

Daniel and Jared tried to throw the football through the church steeple... not disrespectful at all:) 


First signs of spring!


Then things got crazy...

because bars on abandoned psych facility windows mean,"Come inside and walk our halls!"

...an invitation my brother simply couldn't resist!

Hm... what is this they left behind?


yes, he is crazy, but we still love him!

I love that they have become the best of friends! Such a blessing!

I finally got some girl reinforcement!
Friend Jessica, SIL Brenna, and Me

To show some appreciation for all the food she has consumed at our house (girl can eat unlike anything you have ever seen!) and to prove she is not completely helpless in the kitchen, Laurie made us a dinner of blueberry pancakes!
She was just a little proud of herself!:)

Then it was off to our spring retreat in the Smokey Mountains!
Playing ping pong

playing cards

Lots of Eating

which required lots of food prep

awesome worship services

and yes, we were exhausted by this point!:)

Aren't they precious!:)

learning to work together as a team towards a common goal


what would a college retreat be without pranks?

And of course, the traditional ultimate frisbee!




We have a great life!

More to come.....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Bombs and Assaults... just another day at the office

One day I will catch everyone up on our daily lives again... until then, here is a brief glimpse into another day at my work. (I am a clinical nurse manager for a group of pediatric offices.)

Let's start out by saying that I spent last week in Austin, Tx, with my dear friend Michelle, her husband James, and their precious preemie son, Noah. After spending a solid week with one of my most precious friends and holding a baby... coming back to work, a messy house, and real life in general, was not registering very high on my "fun meter!" However, it was the longest I have been away from my husband, since we were engaged, and I was very to be back with my best friend.

Today started out like any other Tuesday. I spent the first few minutes catching up on office politics/drama and showing off pictures from my recent trip. One of my nurses walks up to me and says, very casually, "Did you see the bomb out in the road." This is when it all starts to go down hill... rapidly.
Me: "The WHAT?"
Nonchalant nurse: "the bomb thingy in the road - the package with all the tubes, pipes, and wires coming out of it?"
Me: "Well, no I certainly, and thankfully, missed it. Show it to me... we might need to call the police."

Sure enough a very "bomb-like" object was sitting in the middle of the side road we share with two other companies - a nursing home and a granite factory. I was pretty darn sure it was some explosive that had "just" fallen off the back a delivery truck to the granite factory. However, I still thought it best to call the police just to be on the safe side. I called the non-emergent number and very clearly stated I in no way thought this was a hostile/malicious situation - basically I have an office full of pediatric patients and their parents, DO NOT FREAK THEM OUT UNNECESSARILY!!

I go back outside to watch for any cars that might come by, to direct them away from the package, in case they don't see it. Too late. Someone had already driven over it!!! I walk back to to street carefully. Fuses, wires   approximately 20 sticks of dynamite are strewn all over the road! Fantabulous - at least no one got hurt... yet. I found a large plastic container to place in front of the explosives so no on drives over them again. This was evidently a mistake. I am pretty sure half of our county law enforcement showed up and within minutes had crime scene tape up everywhere, blocking anyone from coming or going. Not sure if you are familiar with a pediatricians office, but from 9am-10:30am are the busiest times. This was exactly when all the craziness started. We had two waiting rooms full of patients and their parents, not a little freaked out  by the whole situation. I looked at one of the officers and said "Dude, please tell me you are not going to make us evacuate (keep in mind there is a large nursing home right across from us too!)?" (and yes, I definitely said dude)  Luckily, no evacuation order was ever given, although they told me it was likely to happen. I ended up getting interviewed by four different law enforcement officers: someone at dispatch, the sheriff himself via telephone, and two cops on scene, all about "was I sure" I had in fact been the one to place the plastic container out there, and was that the only thing I had placed in the road. Finally, all four of them believed me, but they needed my drivers license to "confirm my identity." My license was in my car... behind the crime scene tape. The officer walked me out my car. By this time quite a crowd had gathered. Two guys saw me getting into my car and thought I was getting to leave, while they were being kept blocked in.
Non-genius males to my cop escort, "Oh come on man, why does she get to leave. We ran over the stupid thing cause we thought it was just some old fireworks. Its nothing. Let us all go already!"

Cop escort to non-genious males: "Well, ya'll are idiots, but I sure am glad you are safe and lived to tell us of your stupidity. For the record, those "fireworks" are sticks of dynamite."

Non-genious males: silence, followed by walking back into their building.

Some small bomb squad comes and cleans up the mess, everyone leaves, and we settle back into our normal morning chaos.

No less then an hour later, an employee comes running up to me saying "A woman is getting beat up in the parking log!"
Me: "Oh for the love," as I hurriedly walk out through the waiting rooms to the front parking lot.

Let's pause here for just a minute. In case you are not familiar with the medical profession, we can to be a wee bit dramatic. I have no idea why - its not like our daily jobs don't provide enough drama on a daily basis. However, we are trained to be specific and detailed... so maybe the drama is specific details gone haywire. All that to say, I really wasn't too concerned. I really thought I was just going to walk out to a yelling match with a few shoves here and there. When I saw both waiting rooms on their feet looking out the window yelling "she is getting 'crap' beat out of her," I realized the dramatics had been truth.  It felt a little like once of those Dateline or 20/20 specials of "What would you do?" There were no less then 8 males standing by, inside, just watching this woman being attacked. One guy even looked at me and said "Uh, that lady needs some bad help!" Really, you coward????

I get out to the parking lot to see a man, with an unrestrained child in an infant carrier, beating the tar out of this lady who is trying to seek shelter in her car, and both individuals are screaming every profanity known to man! Luckily one of the other employees had followed me to the door. I looked at her and said "call the police NOW!"

Four people are part of the following scene: Me, baby, baby-mama (BM), and baby-daddy (BD, who then becomes GAM, but more on that later).

Me to BD: "sir, I can see you very upset, I am very sorry for whatever happened, let me help you by taking your baby." At this point I have no idea who started this, who is at fault, who was the aggressor (which soon became very obvious), etc... my one thought :get that poor baby to safety.  Surprisingly, he handed over the child immediately, and I held her close to me. She was beautiful, and completely calm.

I have worked in health care for nearly 10 years, always in pediatrics, mainly in a hospital setting. I have been in many hostile and confrontational situations. I never get scared though - security has always been a phone call away. Medical situations push people to their breaking point, to places where their usual coping skills can't touch. They act out of character. And while it is not acceptable or to be tolerated, it is always somewhat understandable... especially if someone's child is involved.

Me to BM (who is hysterically sobbing): Ma'am are you, ok?
BM: Yes, just please take care of my baby, I can deal with him (meaning BD).
Me: I am not leaving you, and I am keeping your baby right here with me, she is fine.

This whole time BD is flapping and flopping around the parking lot screaming every profanity known to man.

Me to BD: Sir, I realize you are upset, but I am going to need you to calm down, so we figure out how to work this out.

BD: You @#%#$@ you can't #%^$& tell me what I ^(&( can and (&*&(^% can't do. From now on when BD is speaking, just interject the F*bomb* between about every 2nd word, and you will have a pretty good idea of what I was hearing.


Me: I am going to need you to watch you language sir, you are at a pediatric office, and your language is not appropriate for this environment and will not be tolerated.

BD: I don't F'in care what you F'in say, I say whatever the @$#%&@$#&@^ I want.
At this point he takes his shirt off, which is soaked, from I assume the contents of the broken cup lying on the ground, throws it at me, and goes storming towards the building like he is going to go inside.

Me: stop right there sir, you can not go into that building without a shirt, and your actions do NOT need to be seen by the kids in that office. And I am not going to help those kids to hear your language

BD: Them kids too #$%$@%# young to know what the @#%@ @$%#^ I say......
just imagine every derogatory word, comment, or phrase (many I had never even imagined!) for another 30-45 secs.
Now I am mad.

Me: Ok, that's enough, this behavior will not be tolerated. In case you were unaware, you happen to be on private property, therefore I have every right to tell you exactly how you are allowed to act. The police are on their way, and if this poor woman doesn't press charges, rest assured, we will.


BD: I am a grown ass man (hence the GAM, but seriously, what they heck does grown ass man even mean!?!?) and you can't %*&^%# tell me what to do, you $%&$%$@%#&.

Pause again. I was raised in a house where Abe Lincoln's philosophy on profanity was a household rule "Profanity is the act of a feeble mind trying to express itself forcibly." I despise any and all forms of profanity, and have very little tolerance for it. My husband has always countered that sometimes it needs to be used as it is the only language some people understand. I have emphatically told him he was wrong on every occasion he has verbalized this sentiment. However, this afternoon I finally understood.


Me: Well your ass may be grown, but are acting like a child, so sit your grown ass down NOW!" 


About this time it hits me - crap, I am not in a hospital setting where security shows up in 2.1 seconds. The cops aren't showing up for at least another 10 minutes. What on earth have I gotten myself into!?!


GAM: I am leaving, and you can't @$%#^$ stop me!


Me: Sir, I really don't care when or how you leave. The police are one their, and I have already memorized your tags (this was definitely a lie!) so you can either wait around here, and leave in handcuffs, or you can leave on your own, but you are still going to end up in hand cuffs, cause there will be warrant out for your arrest.
By this point, I just really wanted/needed him to leave, before the situation escalated anymore. I am not all ashamed to state that I had kept that baby securely held in front of me the entire time. I was pretty sure, as long his baby was so close to me, he wouldn't try anything physical.


GAM got in the car and "acted like" he was going to back over BM. 


Me to BM: quick tell me what his tags are!


BM to me: you might want to back up because he does have a gun in the car.


That is when my knees went weak. 


GAM left without any further incident, thank God, and we got the mom inside. She was already bruising around her neck, on her chest, down her arms, was bleeding from a nasty gash on her arm, and had broken toe. She kept sobbing and apologizing over and over again for putting everyone at risk. "Her baby was sick and he was the only one who would bring them to the doctor." My heart broke for her. Me and another nurse just sat with our arms around her and her baby. I think all of us cried a little. 


As luck would have the same cops responded to this call! I walked around the corner and they said "Really, you again? Miss us that much?" I laughed shakily, and I think they instantly saw I was way more worked up about this call then the previous call. After they were done interviewing and photographing the mom, they told us they thought dispatch had made a mistake when they sent out our 2nd request for help, less then an hour after then left the first time. Ha ha if only it had been....


I hope BM and baby are safe somewhere tonight. If you think of them, pray for them! GAM has warrant out for his arrest. I will definitely be doing some investigation to see what happens to him. Unfortunately, if he had kicked a cat, he would certainly be in jail for years. However, he will be given numerous chances to reform since he "only" abused his baby's mom and his own flesh and blood. And no, I am not a proponent for animal cruelty. I just hate that we value the life of child less then we do the life of an animal, that can survive out in the wild on its own.


Pediatric nursing... nothing else like it!:)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Christ Delivered what the Easter Bunny Never Could.

I haven't gotten any type of Easter gift in years. However, as a kid, my Easter basket was always full of goodies. My mom is sort of  a health nut, so we didn't get a ton of candy, but still got plenty of "specialness" in our baskets.  My siblings and I always got white chocolate lambs, while every other friend and/or cousin I knew got "brown" chocolate candy pieces. In my early years, I just thought my parents were uber spiritual and bought us white chocolate as it was more pure in appearance then dark chocolate. Actually, it was later discovered that my mom detests dark chocolate - who buys their kids something they themselves don't like?  Ha ha I also loved getting an Easter dress every year, even if was "just" a loaner, or hand-me-down from an older family friend.  These  dresses will forever be two of  my favorites:
Side note: can we talk about the adorable hunk of chunk sitting next to me?:) That would be my brother, Daniel (PS he is just as cute, though skinnier, today AND single!) 
This year I was so proud that I was wearing the prettiest dress in our entire church. Really I was, - I looked, evaluated, and judged. One of the few times in life I named myself a winner!:)



Easter was not just about easter baskets, dresses,  and egg hunts in our home. We grew up understanding the real reason we celebrated - the death and resurrection of our Savior. I don't really have any clear memories of when the overall picture of salvation became clear to me - it just always was there, in the tapestry of my childhood. I clearly remember the night when I gave my heart to the Lord... but other then that, I always just understood that Jesus loved me so much He died on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins, so I could live eternally with Him. Now, as an adult Easter Sunday is one of my favorite Sundays in church - I love worshipping on this morning! So often we make worship about us not Jesus. But on Easter, more then most Sundays, everyone seems very aware of the true reason we gather in celebration to worship.


So while, for me,  Easter has never been about the more "pagan" activities that surround the holiday, I was hoping for an extra special gift in my figurative Easter Basket - a baby. It didn't happen. Last month I wasn't surprised or devastated when the test read negative. I knew I wasn't pregnant. This month felt different though, and I allowed myself, for the first time in over 12 months, to actually hope. There was a part of me that just couldn't imagine a better time to find out we were pregnant than around the Easter holiday - what an extra special reason to celebrate. I get a little sick rereading what I just typed, even though, it was honestly the way I felt. Its acceptable, and understandable for kids to make spiritual holidays somewhat about them - all the gifts they get, the fun things they get to do, special foods, etc... But here I am, in my married adulthood, and for the first time, I made Easter about me.


Good Friday was not a good day for me - I was off work and simply did housework and caught up on some television all day. Usually I love these simple days. Not this day - it was too much quiet time for my always overactive brain to think.... and instead of focusing on all the wonderful blessings God has given me, I focused on the ache in my heart, the emptiness of my arms, and lack of vision for my future. I tried for focus on the true meaning of Good Friday, but I don't think I was too successful. I spent the majority of the day on the verge of tears, but could not for the life of me squeeze out a tear. I even tried watching certain videos and shows (usually having to do with babies) and listening to certain songs that usually start the water works. None of them really worked. I would tear up, but the torrent of emotion pent up inside never found an outlet.


I have been noticing this a lot more for the past 6-8 weeks - I am not crying as much. I tear up all the freaking time, but don't actually cry about the infertility. Anything having to do with kids or babies - songs, shows, commercials, specials at church, etc... always let out a flood of tears before. I was starting to worry that I was turning into a stone (a former favorite coping skill of mine.) I so did not want this to be happening. However, there are certain Christian songs that can bring on wave upon wave of mysterious emotion, including tears. This happens daily.


This morning, my husband did a very kind thing - he gave up his one morning to sleep in, and took me to one of my favorite places - the Biltmore Estate! On the way there we were listening to a new CD I had put together of christian songs. As this song came on, I teared up again, but this time realization and understanding came.


I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will You run to me?


I get really confused about the purpose of both faith and hope in our Christian walk - what their relationship should be, what the proportions of each should be. I do not hope well for myself (especially in our infertility), but I do have immense faith in the Love of my Heavenly Father. I haven't had much hope in our journey to become parents, but the dream of being a mom is there, and its withering quickly. In spite of the withering of this dream, my faith has remained constant - and that is what hurts so deeply. I know Jesus could plop a little ball of baby cells into my uterus in a nano second. I know He hears all my cries for help, tears of pain, and endless questions. I know He sees my husband weary and helpless as to how to continue to provide comfort to his grieving wife. I know He feels all of this with me. I know He aches for me. I know He is tired for Jared. I know He knows the answers, and has a plan for the explanation of them. I grasp the omnipotence of my Heavenly Father...  I realize His Majesty... I revere His sovereignty... To the extent my human mind can. For now, His answer to me is "No!" 


I am not having a crisis of faith. I am not doubting whether Jesus hears me, loves, care for me, etc... Its nothing like that. Its simply the melding of my christian heart and my mother's heart, in seemingly such opposition, and its painful!


One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand


This is when the beauty of the childhood gift of  "just always knowing" shines through. I have no idea why I was given such a gift. My mom recently wrote an email to us kids about "Unmerited Grace." Our family have been blessed with a Mother and Father who are deeply devoted to each other, and more so to their faith. All 5 of us kids are actively living a Christian life, independently of our parents faith. And it has all come somewhat "easily." Have we had our trials and temptations? Most definitely! But by the grace of God, we have stayed the course, and never doubted. 


If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

I know He will hold my heart. He is holding it.  He has not let go. He always has, and will forever, hold my heart.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer

Somehow... Moms always know how to find the right words to comfort, instruct, encourage, and support... even when in the lyrics of strangers. 
Thanks Mommy!


Jesus, draw me ever nearer

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial 
Form within me as I go - 
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

Keith and Kristyn Getty

The video is slightly corny...