Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...

So let's start telling the story of our unfolding/developing miracle...

After several rounds of Clomid without conception, our RE decided it was time for us to come back in for the dreaded "what do we want to do next" appointment. This was in April. The month of May was a very busy month for us, so we decided we would reconvene in June. He gave us the option of doing one more round of Clomid in May, if for no other reason then to keep the ovary stimulation up. I almost didn't do it. I was going to be out of town, in Texas visiting a friend, for a week in May, come home for a week, then Jared left for a week. Not a great schedule for baby making! Then, as we got closer to my trip to Austin, we realized ovulation was supposed to fall right around my trip - fan-freaking-tabulous! I almost thought about cancelling postponing my trip. However, we had made the decision a long time ago to not allow our dreams of  family to control our every move. We would "move when the spirit says move, stay when the spirit says stay." So off I flew to Texas... to one of the best visits with friends to date. I mean look at these people - how could it not be GREAT!?!
I tried to sneak Noah back in suitcase... he seemed pretty cool with the idea;-)

Such a little OT! (Ovary Tugger!)

My sweet friend, Michelle! How I wish we lived closer!!

So I came back from Texas, and re-entered the real world... and honestly, my arms were aching to hold my own baby, after spending an entire week with such a sweet little angel in Texas. It looked like I had ovulated in Texas. I had consciously decided not to do any sort of testing while I was out of town. What few clues I was left with upon my return home indicated that we had missed our opportunity that month. Life went on, and we looked forward to June and deciding what was our next step.
TMI alert:

I came home from work one evening, beyond exhausted, and very, yet vaguely, uncomfortable. It took the genius nurse inside me way more time then it should have to realize I was experiencing my first ever urinary tract infection. I now have a great deal more sympathy for those who suffer for those horrendous infections. Ugh! I called my fertility specialist, and he immediately put me on a "embryo safe" antibiotic, just in case, as well as some pyridium (a urinary analgesic that turns your pee brick red/burnt orange - creepy crazy!) 24 hours later, I am new woman. Of course, everyone starts telling me "You know, UTI's can be the first sign of pregnancy, etc..." To which I simply smiled and said "Yes, I realize this, but I am pretty sure that is not the case for me." I had been cramping pretty severely for over a week, my face was broken out, I had horrible headaches... all signs my next cycle was getting ready to start.

I took a test on day 28 (but I am 30-31 day cycle girl) since it fell on a Friday. My RE always had me test the Friday closest to my start date, in case I did happen to get preggers, and needed progesterone, etc... I had nearly forgotten to take the test, but remembered as I was running out the door for work. I ran back upstairs, and squeezed out a few drops of burnt orange pee, but only waited ~2 minutes, as I was already running late. I barely could make out the control line, thanks to me lovely new urine hue. "Well that was a waste of yet another test," I thought, as I laid the test on the counter, and ran out the door. 

This same afternoon was when I bought this picture, which I blogged about here

When I came home from work, I saw the test laying on the counter. In case you have never had to "try to conceive" for any length of time, allow me to fill you in on a little secret - we TTCers pull our tests out of garbage multiple times, for no less then 24 hours, just in case our eyes were working the other 50 times we looked. Don't judge. I glanced down at the barely legible test and thought just maybe I saw a second line???????

This is definitely NOT the first time I had tried to convince myself there was a second line... wasted lots of money this way! My heart did the typical race-a-way on me, etc... Instead of downing some water, and peeing on yet another stick, I threw the test in the trash, walked out of the bathroom, and went to sit on our bed. We were going to be celebrating our anniversary that weekend, before Jared went out of town for the week. The past several holidays and celebrations had been somewhat marred by my unmet desire for a baby. I sat there and prayed that God would help me be completely grateful for all He blessed me with, so much beyond what I deserved. I have the worlds greatest husband - really. He is the best friend I have ever had, and could ever want. So what if I didn't have a baby - I had something so few people ever get to enjoy. I have a beautiful, life long partnership, with my best friend, who happens to love more then I ever thought possible. I was not going to let my little pity party ruin our beautiful celebration. I wrote about our anniversary here. We had a wonderful time together, and while the "no baby" deal was still in the back of my mind, it didn't rob my joy, or keep me from being present in the moment.

Sunday morning, as I woke up to get ready for church, I was laying in bed and realized "hmmm... I am actually 2 days late, my boobs are killing me, and I am not bloated (I can easily gain 6-8 lbs of water weight prior to starting my period.) I figured I should probably take a test before Jared went out of town, just in case. So I stumbled to the bathroom, and realized I didn't have any more of the First Response Tests, which I prefer and usually take. Luckily, I had another brand, and gave it a good pee. Now usually, I make myself wait at least 5 minutes before looking, otherwise I will just stand there watching the urine move across the screen for the entire 3 minutes the tests requires to complete. I set the test on the counter, got up from the toilet and out of the corner of my eye I saw a very foreign sight

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh," and so on and so forth for the next 30 seconds.  Every month, I had planned a very special and unique way to tell Jared we were expecting, in case it ever happened. Not this month - nothing! I ran from the bathroom, with my hair going everywhere, yesterday's eye makeup smeared garishly across my face, and shook him awake, somewhat violently. "LOOK!" I said, as I shoved the test mere inches from his face. 
Jared:What on earth is that, and what does it mean, he asked groggily. 
Me Um... I think I might be pregnant.
Jared: You think you think you might be pregnant, or you really think you are pregnant.
Me: I think I kinda might be pregnant, you don't get false positives this far out on clomid.
Jared: Go pee on another test.
Me: I can't, I just peed!
Jared: Go drink some Sunny D - it worked for Juno.  (Seriously!?!?)

We decided to go ahead and go to church, and afterwards stop and pick up the brand I usually used. I gulped down as much shower water as I could, and hurried to get ready. Right before we left, I grabbed two more tests - the last one from the kit I had just opened, and one crappy generic test my RE had said to NEVER use, as it would never give me an early positive. This is what we saw 30 seconds later:

Me: Babe, I think this might really be happening....

I held his hand so tight the entire way to church. My heart was racing, my head was spinning somewhere off to right of my right shoulder, and I my  breathing was labored. We agreed we wouldn't breathe a word to any family or friends at church, so we put on our best poker faces, and walked in. I cried off and on through out the entire worship service... emotions that I can even begin to describe.

As luck would have it, Jared's sisters wanted to go to lunch with us after the longest church service I had ever sat through (I honestly have NO idea what the message was about!) Finally, after lunch we headed off to the drug store to pick up additional tests. And yes, by this point we had 3 positive tests at home. Jared wasn't going to be convinced until he saw "pregnant" on one of those dreaded digital tests, so we picked up tests "for" him and tests for me, and headed home. 

As this has gotten way too long already, I will leave you with these images:)

More to come, but later! This I need a nap... before going to be for the night:)

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Singing my Hallelujah Song

These past two months have been a whirlwind for me and my husband! We received the most precious gift imaginable on May 22, 2011, 2 days before our 3rd anniversary:

To say we were (and that Jared still is) shocked is an understatement! :)

There are soooo many more details that I can not wait to share with you in the near future. However, as ecstatic as I am to be able to share this news of God's loving faithfulness to us, it breaks my heart into a million pieces as I think of all the other couples out there still praying for their "Hallelujah Babies." This blog has introduced to me to so many people whom I never would have met otherwise. Women who often understood my pain and heartache better then those around me - they have been/are in my shoes.

I realize reading this news will bring great rejoicing to some, and extreme heartache to others. Because of this I will not be sharing any more of the details of our miracle just yet - I want to give some of you out there time to process for yourself however you need to. I urge those of you who are hurting with unmet dreams and desires to seek comfort in the arms of your Heavenly Father. He will take care of you in ways no one else on this earth ever could.

God is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine. Eph 3:20 

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Random Ramblings

Extremely random and scattered thoughts... the way my brain usually works!:)

- So much for summer schedules allowing for more blogging - definitely doesn't seem to be happening!

- Hubs got me  a Kindle for our anniversary (totally surprised me!) First book I added - Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond. HIGHLY recommend it! For those of you who don't know, Drummond is the author of The Pioneer Woman blog. I have to admit, I have never read the blog, but after loving her book, I have a feeling I might have to start.

- Any recommendations for what to read on my Kindle next? I might have to re-read the Help, because it just that good. I am previewing Girl with the Dragon Tatoo presently.

- Speaking of blogs, I love my Google Reader! I have no idea how on earth people keep up with blogs (or survive without them) without their Reader set up. If you haven't done it - you must!

- It feels like forever since I have been back home! Its been almost two months (long time for me and my family!) We are going back next weekend, and I am very excited.

- My baby sister is turning 15 years old next week?!?!? How is this possible!?!?! I am NOT old enough for her to be this old!

- We spent Memorial Day Weekend with our college ministry's Alumni in Pigeon Forge for our Alumni Reunion. It was the first time we rented a place for all of us to stay together. It was great! My mom and only one of my brothers were the only two family members who were able to join us. Which means I got  my mommy all to myself for nearly 3 days and 2 nights! I think the last time this happened was the week preceding my first brother Daniels birth 25 years ago!:)

- I just requested an invitation to Pinterest - this could become an unhealthy obsession. You really should check it out.

- One of our college girls is living with us for the summer. I feel like we see her less now that she is living with us then we did over this past year. Again, our summer schedules have not been slow, laid back, or relaxed, so much. She is a great girl... oh and see is single - know any great guys needing a great girl!?!?:)

- I am really hoping the rain holds off today - girlfriend needs some serious sun tanning going on. For real!

- I also need to go bathing suit shopping... especially before we go to the beach in August. My "main" suit I have had for 10 years, at least. I kid you not.

- I also really need to get my bridesmaids dress for my brothers wedding in September - eek! Maybe when I am home next weekend...

- As much as I love our college students, I am really enjoying getting to go to a "grown up" bible study this summer, with other married couples!:)

- I have had several employees out on vacation, and one seriously ill supervisor (she needs lots of prayers!), which is making work insane (especially for the summer months!) I am exhausted at the end of  the working day, which is one of the main things putting a damper on my blogging mojo.

- My heart keeps breaking for my blogging friend, Amy. So many of us are praying incessantly for you to finally experience the joys of motherhood. Amy is an incredible writer, blogger, encourager, fitness freak, etc... you really should follow her blog!

- On a happer note, I am loving watching another blogging friend, Josey's growing baby bump!:)

- I have finally/successfully cut out all caffeine from my diet! I have suffered with moderately severe headaches since I was 6 years old. No rhyme or reason to them really. I have always read that while caffeine can help headaches, a lot of doctors recommend you cut it out of your diet if you have consistent headaches. I have gone about 6 weeks without any, and as much as I hate to admit it - I have been headache free! Part of it, I know, is just the time of year, but still! But decaf coffee just is NOT the real deal. I bought some flavored decaf last night, and its currently brewing... hoping it tastes a bit more like the real thing.

- At this point, these ramblings are really just an excuse I am using to avoid housework... yes, LAME I realize!

In closing, I will leave you with pictures of the shadow box I made for Jared in honor of our anniversary - sort of a picture/story of our lives together so far.

I couldn't get a great picture of this unfortunately... One of Jared's bosses was kind enough to help me commandeer some CAT stuff for the shadow box. He randomly selected this piece, which is the exact make and model of first piece of equipment Jared sold!