I may be a nurse, but I still hate going to the doctor!

I have, oh about 10 posts sitting in my draft folder, waiting to one day be finished and published... maybe one day. I was working on a really fun recap of life lately, complete with pictures from the past, etc... but it is taking me too long to finish. 5-10 minutes here and there make my writing even more scattered and long winded!:) So in the mean time here is a quick boring update.

I am getting ready to have my first appointment with my new physician. He comes highly recommended by some friends of ours, who have several friends who are now successfully pregnant after seeing him. I really see God's Hand all over leading us to this new doctor. I have been looking for months for someone who I felt peaceful going to, and this clinic sounds like the perfect fit! This doctor is a high-risk OB-GYN, who is also board certified in Infertility and Reproductive Endocrinology! He is contracted with insurance panels as an Ob-Gyn, so he is completely covered on our plan! Looks like we will only have to pay co-pays for the visits! A huge blessing! I am guessing we will have to be for most of the procedures, but this is still soooo much better then what a lot of people face, financially speaking. He is a founding member of the Physicians Chapter for Pelvic Pain - this thrills me to no end after my months of physical therapy! And on top of all of that, he is a Christan.

So how am I doing with this upcoming appointment? I am F.I.N.E. For those who didn't get the Italian Job movie reference, that would be "Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. Roll all that up together and it sounds like a very tasty burrito, uh? I vacillate between being so ready to go and finally start getting some different answers, and terrified about what those answers are going to be. I don't do well with grey areas in life - black and white yes please and thank you very much (you should see my new little computer nook/cubby - its decorated all black and white!) I am just praying we have some clear cut answers.

I have been testing nearly every bodily fluid daily, taking my temperature, taking daily supplements, could have probably saved several lives with the amount of blood that has been drawn and tested on me, and tracked every bodily function known to man for about 9 months now. And let's just go ahead and be perfectly honest here - trying to make a baby for 12+ months is exhausting from the amount of sleep time that gets interrupted! Sorry if that is TMI for some of you, especially my dad and brothers!:) Maybe I am wuss (sp!?) but I am exhausted from it all. From constantly being made to feel like a complete and utter failure by my own body. I know the next few months are going to be full of multiple tests and procedures. Everyone is going to know where I am on my cycle, when would be a good time to try to conceive... I am getting ready to give up complete and utter control of my body, my cycle, the most intimate part of my relationship with my husband, etc... So I gave myself a break. I haven't tested a fluid, taken a pill, drawn any blood. etc. There will be plenty of that coming up. The break was definitely needed, and I know it has helped mentally prepare me for the treadmill I am about to be placed on.

The appointment is later this week, and will last at least 3 hours. After the initial interview, and blood work, there will probably be a pelvic and maybe even and ultrasound. I am so embarrassed to admit this but the one thing I am the most apprehensive about is the pelvic, for multiple reasons. The number one and most ridiculous is the fact that this physician is male, and this will be the first time since I was eight that I have been examined by a male. Yes, this is ridiculous I know - I am a nurse and have taken care of males my age, older, and younger, and never thought twice about it. I am telling ya, I really worry I might be a 1/4 schizo at times!:) Plus, we have decided that my husband will not be accompanying me on this first visit, for many reasons. Basically, I would rather have him at other "more invasive, difficult, decision, making appointments." We both feel peaceful about this decision.

I am not sure when I will post again, and don't be surprised if the next post has nothing to do with the appointment.:) I am a brewer and a steeper. It takes me a while to digest everything and separate my emotions from my rational side. I already told my mom not to get worried (or excited) if I don't call her that day, as it will probably take me awhile to sort it all out in my mind and heart.

My lunch break is about done, so I am going to go ahead and post this. Please don't judge the multitude of grammatical errors I am sure I have made. I don't have time to be OCD about this post!

Thank you a head of time for the prayers!