Sometimes you need to remember in order to Give Thanks

I wrote the following post years ago... in one sitting... during my lunch break at work. Trying to hide the tears that kept welling up while writing from so many different emotions. I only let 5 of the people closest to me, whom I felt the safest with, read it at first. Over a year later, I shared it with three others who were going through a similar situation, and I thought it might be of an encouragement to them.

Recently, I took a big step in practicing vulnerability and shared it with the college girls in the Bible Study I am helping lead this semester. I encouraged/challenged the girls to always take time to look back over their lives to see how far they have come. And to realize that during the many times where they thought for sure they were missing out, or being held out on... those times often become some of life's greatest blessings.

My past few posts have clearly chronicled that this Thanksgiving season is not something I have really been looking forward to or engaging in. So I started taking inventory of past gifts, to refocus my vision on all the incredible, undeserving gifts, God has blessed me with in my life. I randomly remembered this post, and knew it was time to "put it out there."

As I said, it was written in one sitting. I haven't edited it at all, as I didn't want to take away from raw emotion of pain and healing these words describe. If I were to edit this, I feel sure I take away and add where addition and subtractions would alter the overall message and feelings. So here it is - raw and uncut.

But first, because she is just too stinking cute...

Gosh, I love that little bundle of joy and attitude!

And now for Thanksgiving in the Remembering

I am loving Chris August's new song, 7x70.

I've been living in this house here
Since the day that I was born
These walls have seen me happy
But most of all they've seen me torn

They've heard the screaming matches
That made a family fall apart
They've had a front row seat
To the breaking of my heart

First of all, a disclaimer. The song lyrcis depict a house tormented by upheavel and turmoil. My home life could not be further from this discription! I was deeply loved, supported and cherished by my parents. I was blessed to be raised under one of the most Christ centered marriages I have ever witnessed. When I listen to these lyrics, I invision a figurative, not literal,  house. As a Type A personality, compartmentalizing every aspect of my life is probably my second greatest talents (my first being my ability to sleep!) I can "live" in several different figurative houses, at a time. I recently had to close and lock the doors of one of my "houses".... there might even be a  "Condemned" sign on the barred door. It was a "house" I did in fact grow up in, learned a lot in, made many wonderful and cherished memories in, but was nearly crushed in these walls.

I remember running down the hallway

Playing hide and seek

I didn't know that I was searching

For someone to notice meI felt alone and undiscovered

And old enough to understand

Just when I'm s'posed to be learning to love

You let me doubt again

I felt alone and undiscovered
And old enough to understand
Just when I'm s'posed to be learning to love You
Let me doubt again

We all out grow places, relationships, and phases in life - its one of the hardest parts of growing up and walking down the roads the Lord puts down in front of you. I hate this aspect of life, especially when it invovles relationships. In a stubborn childishness, I think all relationships that have wonderful memories, should last a life time. Pollyanna and Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farms were two of my favorite book series as a kid. While they provided wonderful hours of literary entertainment, they did not necessarily give me an accurate protrayal of real  life relationships. :) I think we can all look back to certain places and times in life, when we were that kid running down the hall, playing hide and seek - being carefree and having fun. But deep down we felt somewhat alone and undiscovered, just yearning to noticed and understood. This is exactly where I was several years ago - I didn't want life to ever change, yet I realized something was missing. I thought I was what was missing - I thought I was inadequate in my relationship with Christ, and with my body of church friends (my nearest, dearest, and closest relationships.) To some extent, my relationship with Christ was lacking - I am human, therefore there will always be an emptiness inside me, pushing me to become closer with my Savior. Because of this I never want to be fully satisified. In my "Pollyanna-mindedness" I failed to see the signs that I was being called out onto a new path, with new expereinces, new relationships, etc... Instead of looking up and ahead for answers, I kept tripping along looking behind me, in the past, trying to find answers for where I went wrong. I mean, hind sight is supposed to be 20/20, right?

Just when I'm s'posed to be learning to love

You let me doubt again

I am a handful, I will be the first to admit it! I don't think I am an easy person to get to know quickly - I am very guarded and reserved, always in self-preservation mode. I mask this by asking a bazillion questions about everyone else. Then I am stupid enough to feel hurt that I  know everyone else so much better then they know me. At least, I used to be completely like this... I am pretty sure I have gotten better. During this "tripping" season in my life, while I felt so humanly alone and misunderstood, it will be one of the most precious times in my memory of my relationship with Jesus. He held me into Himself, in His embrace. He showed me areas that, yes, definitely needed to be hacked, pruned, and weeded, but He also validated so many areas that I had always been so insecure about. I have talked about some of this here. He gave me permission to be "free to be me" in Him. I tried sharing this with the people I fellowshipped with. I thought at first that I was just not able to be descriptive enough about, then when their misunderstanding continued, in my hurt, I just thought they didn't care and disrespected me. My closest friends, who I had grown up with, gone through so many hard times with, and learned so much about life with, who I thought knew me, were becoming strangers to me. I was crushed.

I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times you weren't around
I'm all right now

In God's perfect timing, my future husband re-entered my life. It was a whirlwind romance to be sure. I threw my poor family for quite a loop! I went from "never getting married" one day, to seriously dating, engaged, and married in less then a year. Hey, when you are in your mid 20's, and you know - you know!:) He provided that safe place I had been seeking. Jared saw me, understood me, respected, andloved me... even though I have caused him a LOT of head scratching since our dating days! We knew early on in our relationship that our married life together would start in Knoxville, not my home town. Now, I was faced with figuring out how to say good-bye to so many precious and cherished relationships, that were quite broken. NOT the way my neat and oraganized, compartmentalized self likes to do things at all. What transpired in the last few months leading up my wedding day and moving away, was one of the most emotionally ravaging experiences I have experienced. What was supposed to be one of the happiest moments in my life, was scarred with breaking friendships, causing rearrangement of our wedding party the month before we said our vows. While I never dreamed of my wedding day like most girls, I did have vision in my head of who would be there celebrating, as my wedding party, if that day ever happened... this was NOT the vision inside my head.

God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do...

Despite the chaos and turmoil, there was complete peace! Jared and I, and our families, knew we were in the center of His will. And I felt so safe there, despite the upheaval. Jared and I wanted our wedding to be a reflection of God's love to His church - we wanted it to witness to any searching souls who were in attendence. I prayed earnestly that all the "crap" that was surrounding us would in no way affect our marraige ceremony. We wanted to focus to be on the heavenly, not earthly. I was a worried that when I entered the sanctuary and saw my fiance, surrouned by our newly altered wedding party, that I would only see what was missing. Having never been a bride, I did not realize the ONLY thing you are aware of is your fiance's eyes and your Daddy's support, as you walk down the aisle towards you new life! We had planned a mini-worship service of three songs for after my dad had given me away. During one of the songs, I took a deep breath, and looked over my shoulder at our precious wedding party... and what I saw was completely perfect.

...And that's forgive you
I forgive you!

It has been a long, painful process. One I wouldn't wish on anyone. I have not done it perfectly. I have acted and reacted out of hurt, when I should have acted out of love. I chose to ignor the road signs God placed along my path, indicating a change of course up ahead. Had I not tenaciously fought for things to stay the same, had I not resisted the intended change for so long, had I only been honest with myself, a lot of this maybe could have been avoided. I own my part in the hole debaucle. There are scars. Scars that might be there for a long time... maybe even life. But I chose to let them reminde me of what I have learned, instead of what has been lost. Going "home" to my hometown, is still hard - there are ghosts of my former life everywhere. A life, full of relastionships, that as hard as I try not to, I still love and miss.

7 times 70 times
If that's the cost I'll pay the price
7 times 70 times
I'll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way

We recently went back to my home town to attend the wedding. I knew I would be seeing many of the people from my past (who, as side note, are all procreating abundantly, which doesn't help things these days!) I have to "pregame" these visits weeks ahead of time, to get my heart in the right place. I had the first hour of the drive to myself, so I listened to my new Christian play list, knowing I could use a little extra "pep ralley" heading into the weekend. However, I was really suprised by how excited I was for the upcoming celebration the chance to "Get to see everyone!" I haven't felt that way in a long time.

7 times 70 times
There's healing in the air tonight
I'm reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around
 I'm gonna wrap it all around

It struck me when I heard the final phrases to these lyrcis:

Several months ago I didn't think I had any forgiveness left to give. I still wasn't in a good place with everything, but I had nothing left to give, or any more energy left to exert towards the effort. It was a new level of releasing control of the situation. If I was ever going to make any more progress, it would have to be all Him, and very little of me. These words: There's healing in the air tonight. I'm reaching up to pull it down, gonna wrap it all around, hit me full force. All I had to to do was "reach up and pull it down" and wrap the forgiveness of my Heavenly Father " all around." He would give it to me, and in His giving, He was also providing protection for my heart.

And that's exactly what happened. I was able to celebrate at the wedding, and enjoy seeing my old friends and their growing babies... even got to love on the growing babies (dear ovaries, please explode and uterus fling your arms opend wide, thank you very much!)

7 times 70 times
There's healing in this house tonight
I'm reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around
Yeah, I'm gonna wrap it all around

So now, in front of my formerly foreclosed and condemned "house" is a sign that reads Forgiven and Healed.

Poppy Seed Chicken, Pepperoni Rolls, and Friday Confessionals

In my continued attempt to get back into the swing of blogging (goal being 1-2 posts a week), I have found doing link-ups helps get me writing! So today, I am linking up with one of my favorite fashion bloggers (although this is not a fashion post) Leslie at A Blonde Ambition for her Confessional Fridays. A little side note, Leslie met her husband through Kelly's Show us Your Singles... and he has been mistaken for Tim Tebow. So for all my single friends who make fun of me when I recommend you peruse the Singles link-ups, or let me "feature" you... there is the proof in the pudding!:)

Speaking of Kelly, I am also linking up for her Show us your life - Main Dishes installment.

Onto my confessions:

My scripture verse memory log is deplorable! Yes, and I am presently leading a girl's bible study. Scary? Most definitely! I can not for the life of me memorize a darn thing. This was a major issue in my upper level science and nursing courses (especially pharmacology... which is the class keeping me from ever getting my nurse practitioner degree!) I am a such conceptional person. You should see me trying to come up with scripture verses... I know their concept and meaning, just not the exact wording or location. Thank God for google!

Because of this lacking on my part, don't be surprised if Ellie has scripture verse memory card crammed down her throat and given to her at every gift giving holiday for the first 15 years of her life.:) If you are looking for good scripture verse memory cards, check out these lovelies!

In keeping with the theme of my lacking and subsequent "loving forcings" to assist Ellie in turning out better - my child eats broccoli and spinach at least twice a day, sometimes 2-3 times a day. I still gag at the smell of steaming broccoli, and honestly, its probably been a good 12 years or more since I have eaten a bite of it. Luckily, in the last few years I have learned to tolerate spinach. However, I literally have no natural relationship with most veggies - its a forced one. Therefore, my child eats a diet made up of 3/4 veggies, and 1/4 fruits and grains. I am seriously praying about whether or not I can tell her I am allergic to the majority of vegetables when she questions me on why I don't eat the majority of what I cram down her throat... doesn't gagging and vomiting constitute allergic?

I realize those confessions could cause some people concerns about my parenting tactics. I promise I will not be pushing my child into beauty pageants at any age of life, because I wasn't in them as a child. Ellie is not my ticket to accomplish everything I didn't in my childhood. Pinky promise swear.

We will not be having a Christmas tree this year... and probably very few christmas decorations. Yes, I realize it is Ellie's first Christmas. I also realize she will not remember as single moment of it. I am all about not causing uber amounts of frustration for myself and my child. Our house is fairly small, and the tree and decorations just make it feel crowded, even if pretty and cozy. Ellie is pulling up on everything, and I just foresee lots of tree-falling-on-baby-pulling-up-on-said-tree at this point in our life. Maybe next year. However, I am contemplating and researching several types of christmas photo shoots.

Since the miscarriage, I have found myself to be way more sympathetic to certain "life plights" of others, and much more hardened to others. I am not ok with the latter development and am working on it... but its a process for sure.

I have an extremely hard time keeping our two bedrooms clean. And feel daily guilt because of this habit/inadequacy/trait. I keep our livable space fairly clean and tidy, but the upstairs/bedrooms (that few people see except us) gets sadly neglected. I remember years ago reading relationship/marriage books that talked about how important it was to keep the couple's bedroom a sanctuary/clean and safe tranquil haven... HA! Epic wifely fail there. I have the best of intentions... just the worst of outcomes!

This morning I cried twice: once during GMA showing babies digging into smash cakes (something Ellie will be doing in less then two months!) and during the TODAY show during their broadcast of a Citizenship ceremony complete with Lee Greenwood's "I am Proud to Be an American." I also cry at every Carter's commercial these days.

I pray for celebrities. Seriously. I have two pop culture females I have prayed for consistently for two years. Is this normal? I also just recently added a "christianish" female celeb to the list. I promise, I don't pray for TV characters or books characters ... yet! But seriously, can someone please give poor Juliette Barnes a hug and tell her about Jesus' love for her. ;-)

Speaking of Juliette Barnes, I would be mortified if someone saw the iTunes play count of the song Undermine ... or heard me belting out this song in my not so pitch perfect vocals. Do yourself a favor and download it! Legally, of course!

How many of these confessions indicate I need counseling?

If anyone is ever in need a free and/or readily available babysitting - volunteer or go work at a college ministry. INSTANT babysitters! As in, kids begging to keep your child. I kid you not! You can even bribe the guys to "keep" your kid during her nap time, at the ministry location, while they just sit back and watch tv or do homework, and never even have to interact with your child. We seriously have to rotate who gets to keep Ellie when. Not a bad problem to have, really.

And finally, my final confession/link up for Show us your life - Main Dishes: we eat one of, or both, of these dishes weekly... that is one weeks I routinely cook. I swear that last portion of the sentence is not complete laziness of my part... its simply due to our crazy schedule!

The first is Poppy Seed Chicken from one of my dear friends, Danielle, who is one the best cooks, and most amazing hostess (and moms) I know!

Poppy Seed Chicken

• 3 cups chopped cooked chicken (to make it even easier, I usually make my chicken in a crock pot. I put approx. 10 chicken breast tenderloins frozen and 1 can cream of chicken soup and let it cook on low for 8hrs).

• 1 can cream of chicken soup (unless you made the chicken in the crock pot, since the soup is already in the cooked chicken mixture).

• 1 (16oz) container of sour cream

• 3 tsp. poppy seeds

• 1 sleeve of Ritz crackers, crushed

• 1/4c. butter, melted

• Brown Rice (I like to make the packaged mushroom brown rice)

Combine chicken, soup, and sour cream. Pour over brown rice. Top with crushed Ritz crackers, poppy seeds and melted butter. Bake at 350 F for 20-30 minutes (until cracker pieces are browned.)

Seriously, sooooo amazingly good!

The second is a new find - Pepperoni Rolls. It a rather long, but super easy recipe, so just click on the the link to view the full recipe. I have modified this recipe a bit - see the list below.

• I use pillsbury pizza crust - either the regular or whole wheat... depending on how healthy I am feeling
• I add hard salami and pepperoncini peppers 
• I baste with olive oil, pepperoncini pepper juice and garlic powder
• I add extra cheese due to extra meat

And that, my friends, is a wrap! Happy Weekend! 

PS: Hubs and I have a date night tonight, thanks to some of our college girls! Whoop!

Marking Time.... 1 Month

This is harder then I ever imagined it would be. I am usually a fairly emotionally composed person. Being in charge of my emotions is something that I have always been able to master with (usually) ease, but this miscarriage ... not so much. I never thought I would be here, a month out, grieving almost as much as I did that first week.

I am ready to quit marking time, and yet scared for the day that happens. Wednesdays (the day we learned the baby had died) through Sundays (the day I delivered at home) are the worst. Its amazing, I am often not conscious of the significance of the day when I wake up, but I can feel such a deep heavy grieving in my heart as soon as I open my eyes, primarily on Wednesdays and Sundays. As time goes on, it is taking me longer to realize the significance behind the emotion and the day.

November 1 was tough - I was leaving the last month I spent with my baby, and entering the first month where we wouldn't be a part of each other's life. I am kinda of ready for November to be over... I am usually not that type of person, and I don't like that I am having these thoughts and feelings. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and I always look forward to it. Not this year. I am ashamed to admit its probably because I will be surrounded by babies and pregnancies. I hate being that person.

November is also my birthday month, and this year is a huge birthday - the BIG 3.0! YIKES! Initially, I was in shock an awe that God was blessing us with two babies by our 30th year. Something I never allowed myself to dream was possible when going through our infertility battles with Ellie. However, I am trying to accept the gift of being pregnant twice before I was 30 (something I never though I would get to experience)... because deep down, I really do see it as that - a gift. I am just not good at accepting the entire package right now. I don't like the outcome. But the bottom line is this - God is no less loving, caring, omnipotent, sovereign, or wise now than He was when I was pregnant. I just liked where I was in the life, and what He had given me, more then, then I do now. God has not changed. I have. As have my heart, dreams, plans, and emotions. Thankfully, I know His love for me has not changed and that He is grieving with me. He will be by my side as I walk through this valley of grief, up to the plateau of acceptance.

November 28 is the next day I am dreading - it was our gender scan. I recently deleted it from my phone. This day falls right after my birthday. I had already said and thought so much about how it was going to be the best birthday present ever. Ultimately, I have the choice on this upcoming birthday - to be sad and dwell on what was taken from us, or to be thankful for the many other blessings I have in my life. We don't get to control many of life's outcomes, but we can control our attitude. After all, it will be my first birthday holding a child of my own.

I had visions of family pictures around the Christmas tree, significantly pregnant, two years in a row. And was thrilled by the idea. Now, I am debating whether or not I am going to kick up my ab routine to flatten out the belly for said family pictures, or just go buy a pair of spanx... or maybe both. :)

Ellie's sibling was going to be very visibly growing inside me at her first birthday. Another chance for such fun photo ops. Yes, spanx are definitely beginning to look like a great purchase idea. Too many pictures coming up for this post baby mama!

And finally, the due date, this spring. But luckily, there are several months between Ellie's birthday and the due date... I am hoping by the time the due date rolls around, I will be in a much healthier state emotionally. In all honesty, I am really hoping by Thanksgiving to be in a much better place. I want to give/allow myself time to experience the pain and grief from this situation, to the fullness that is healthy. However,  I do not want to get stuck and wallow in the pit of grief.

Not my most well written post ever... plenty of ramblings and run on sentences... but I felt I just needed to put my thoughts and emotions into writing. It helps me makes sense of whatever I am going through. I also like being able to look back and see how far (hopefully) I have come.

In closing, let me say this. For women who have, are, or are going to miscarry - everyone around you moves on way faster then you will. Instead of getting mad, and allowing their seeming "forgettance" to annoy and hurt you, remember, your baby affected you way more intimately then any other human being aware of his/her existence. Only you truly got to begin forming a relationship with your baby. For everyone else, it was just a future thought. For you and your baby - you shared the same space, blood, oxygen... intimately woven together forever. You have to grieve in a different way, even then your husband.

And for people wondering what/if they should say anything or ask how you are doing... Don't be afraid of reminding the grieving mom of her loss... trust me, she will never forget. I can't speak for everyone, but for myself, I try to accept any thoughts or words sent our way, about the miscarriage, as people caring for us, loving us, and supporting us.

In the college girl's bible study I help facility, our topic of discussion this week was "In Due Season." It was very comforting for me. Here is a glimpse:

God's timing seems to be His own little secret. The Bible promises us that He will never be late, but I have also discovered that He is usually not early. It seems that He takes every available opportunity to develop the fruit of patience in us. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit that grows under trial. 
"Confident Womanhood"

Baby Cackles

This kid is getting so much personality... and size. She needs to slow down her growing up asap! She is basically the most fun thing ever.

Look Mom, it's us! ;-)

Evidence that she is becoming a girl, and no longer a baby:

1. Yesterday at Kohls, she cried because I wouldn't let eat the clothes on the rack, or pull them into the cart. Oh, and she was only interested in the clothes in her size department... it was like she knew which clothes were options to purchase!
2. She is obsessed with the Old Navy mannequins! Whimpering and excessive waving every time we walked away from them, and when we left!

Since she was tiny, Ellie has been getting her fingers and hand stuck in my hair (if you have seen my hair you realize this is not hard to do!) She thinks its hilarious! Last night, we caught it on film. Of course, by the time we started filming she had gotten her hands out, but luckily mommy shaking her out of control bun in her face still produced the most precious sound ever.

Don't believe me? Listen for yourself. If this doesn't make you at least giggle, you have no heart. ;-)

Show and Tell Monday

In an effort to get back to blogging in a more regular fashion, I am linking up with Becky at From Mrs to Mama for her Show and Tell Monday. Today's link up is on our Careers.

1. Tell us what you studied in college. Is your job now related to what you studied?
I studied nursing, and received my degree in December of 2002... two weeks after my 20th birthday. 

 I only applied for one job (clearly at 19 I thought I had a lot to offer the nursing world... who wouldn't want me!?! Gosh!). Luckily, I was given a spot in one of Vanderbilt Children's Hospital's first Nurse Residency programs. I worked in pediatric Hematology-Oncology and Cardiology. Heavy Duty type pediatric nursing.... I loved it!

For anyone considering going to nursing school, or beginning the nursing job search - finding a hospital that has nurse residency program is a must for a new grad! Sure, it may feel like nursing school all over again, but trust me - it is soooo worth it! You will be beyond ready to be turned loose on the floor with your own patients. Until it actually happens... then you will mildly panic. :)

Nursing school prepared me to learn how to be a nurse once I started working in the hospital. To date, nursing school is one of the most difficult things I have gone through, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. I learned so much about myself, and about a career I love and am very passionate about. Its  something that will be a part of my life forever.

2. Tell us what your everyday job looks like.
I am now a stay at home mom, since Ellie Faith was born. Since I have worked in pediatrics for 10 years (how on earth is it possible I am that old!?!) my nursing background has definitely helped me during these first few months as a mommy. When you are used to taking care of babies with messed up beyond belief hearts, feeding tubes, chest tubes, central lines, telemetry, etc... one healthy baby girl (who came out on her own very easy schedule) wasn't stressful at all. Now talk to me when Ellie is 3-10 yrs old... I am sure it will be a different story!:) 

The last few years before Ellie was born, I was the nurse manager for a large group of local pediatricians. I went from taking care of the sickest of the sick, to, for the most part, healthy kids. While it wasn't academically, or career challenging, it did teach me about normal aspects of pediatric medicine. Which has really come in handy!

Now, not only can I triage my baby myself, I also give out advice to many friends and family members with small kids... especially in the after hours and on weekends. I love that my choice of education still allows me to help others.... even though I am no longer receiving a pay check. 

3. Do you have a picture of you at work? Show us.
I have lots! But here I am with two of my all time favorite patients - Destiny and Jonah! 

4. In 10 years, what do you see yourself doing? Same thing? More? Tell us.
I still see myself being a stay at home mom, while continuing my education and certifications at home. I will keep my license current (no one who has ever gone through the torture of nursing school would ever let their license lapse!). Once our kids are older/grown, who knows what I might do in the nursing world. 

5. Tell us what you have learned, and what {if any} recommendations you may have for those looking to go into the field you are in. 
Gosh, I have learned so so so much. I grew up in my career as a nurse. You don't really know who you are at 20. I knew I was meant to be a nurse, and that I could be a good one, but the whole Amy Package was still being put together and refined. My job, co-workers, patients, and their families helped shape me into who I am today, and I am forever grateful to them! 

I learned I am capable of more then I ever knew was possible. That I could provide direction, comfort, validate fears, allay parental worries and concerns. I could help a kid forget how much their life presently sucked (for lack of a better word) by doing something stupidly goofy or deeply meaningful to them. I could provide love and comfort to a baby/child that wasn't mine when parents weren't around. I could gain the confidence of our medical team. Strangely enough, this environment, and these people, told me I was funny as well as passionate... two adjectives I would never have used to describe myself previously.

I have taken away so many wonderful memories and relationships from this career. Ones I will cherish and carry with me for a life time.

For those considering a possible career in medicine or nursing, here is my advice. If you can make something special out of  tragedy, stress, dysfunction, and the mundane, this career path might be for you. It is not glamorous. There are not a ton of (or any!) call room trysts, work place romances, or record breaking cases, as TV often time depicts. If you can touch some of the most vulnerable places in families life with kindness and compassion day in and day out, without loosing your bedside manner - the world of medicine/nursing needs you.

I can not speak to med school or other post graduate medical degrees, as I have not experienced them, but nursing school I know all too well - it is hell on earth. If you can make it through nursing school, you can make it as a nurse, and it will feed for your passion and fire for your career and your future patients. It is not a degree to enter into lightly, however. Try to get some experience in the field either through volunteering at a hospital or following a family friend who is in the profession.

To put it bluntly, if wiping butts, getting thrown up on, yelled at, exposed to every bodily fluid imaginable is something you feel you are above - move on. The art of healing people is not for you.

And that is what so many people loose sight of. Sure medicine is a science, but when the science of medicine is applied to humans, it becomes (or should become) a form of art. An art of compassion, kindness, truth, and healing. If you can't be that kind of artist... maybe research is for you.:)

iPhone Blog?

Lets see how this works ... I have blogged from phone ... We shall see how it goes.

Currently, I am sitting in my parents van in at Trevecca waiting for Ellie to wake up. We have run this little girl ragged in the last 36 hours! We *may* have not put her to bed until 130am last night. Once she wakes up, we will head out to the girls soccer game.

Fantabulous ... Mom left her phone in the car and dad just called her to see where she is ... So now I am nursing Ellie in the van. Gosh, I hope these windows are tinted... It's dark and I have low lit interior lights on. Hopefully, the entire campus isn't getting a peep show if the AD's daughter's ta-ta's.:-/

I thought I could post a few pictures or a video or two from the trip so far but I guess not. Boo!

Well, Ellie is attempting to help me type this post, so if its full of misspellings they are her fault;)... Better run!

We are having a great time back in my home town!! Sometimes a change of scenery does wonders for a girl!

Have a great weekend!