Monday, August 19, 2013

Be still and see the wondrous work of The Lord!

Last year at the beach we made this announcement:

As many of you know, our sweet 2nd baby went to be with Jesus several months later. Too soon for us to ever to get to know or hold him/her (Jared and I both thought it was a boy). I have written quite a bit about this time in our life and my journey through that grief. 

This is not a post about that. It is really more of a life update then anything. I have kept up with my goal to write daily while at the beach. I have several drafts saved waiting to published at a later time. I am really enjoying getting back into the writing swing! But as I am writing, I realize there is a very important life update that I need to fill you all in on.

So world ( aka my two remaining readers ),here is my announcement:

That's right, I have gone almost completely through this pregnancy without blogging or documenting any of it. We didn't even announce the pregnancy on any social media (we all know if its not facebook official, its just not real) until we knew the gender (although if you saw me in person,there was no doubt I was pregnant!)

Jared was ready to "try again" almost immediately after the miscarriage. I however, needed more time. Or so I thought. By December, I found myself grieving more the fact that I wasn't pregnant than the loss of our baby. 

We found out at the end of January I was pregnant, and just like with Ellie, I wasn't exactly sure how far along I was. I couldn't bring myself to look at the ultrasound screen when we went in for a dating ultrasound. Much to our surprise there was  a wiggling little baby on the screen, waving and kicking it's little arm and leg buds away!!! We were significantly further along then we thought!!

Ellie faith's dedication at our church was coming up, so we decided to wait until then,when both our families were together, to tell them in person. It was an amazing experience getting to dedicate two of our babies - one publicly, and one treasured in secret.

This pregnancy has been very similar to my pregnancy with Ellie. Except,thankfully, I have yet to experience any preterm labor, as I write this at 34 wks. Ellie was born at 35 wks, after 4-5 wks of preterm labor and bed rest. Ellie measured in the 90% percentile from wk 2 of gestation until I went into preterm labor, around 29-30 wks, when she essentially quit growing. This baby has measured in the 40-50% consistently throughout this entire pregnancy, so it looks like we have a petite baby coming our way. For which my,  uh, pelvis, is very thankful!

I was way more anxious then I would like to admit for the first 20 weeks. Not only did I have the very recent memory of our miscarriage, but I seemed to be surrounded by people having tragic pregnancy encounters . These people were in real and in virtual life. I also think I was still grieving the loss of my 2nd baby. It's an odd thing grieving the loss of one child, while rejoicing in the new life of another.

Early on in my pregnancy, before we had told any of our friends, we had a new couple join our small group who were expecting a baby boy, Gabriel, who had Trisomy 18. A deadly chromosomal abnormality. I silently wept during our prayer time that night... Here I was rejoicing over the new life in my womb, while they were having got mourn the loss of the baby that was visibly moving in his mommy's womb. Baby Gabriel was born and passed away hours later at the beginning of May, days after my due date with the baby we lost. Our relationship with this family has grown rapidly over the past few months, and they have quickly become some of our favorite people. I can only wonder how/if it would have been different if we were holding our own perfectly healthy baby, while they were burying theirs. I think... No, I know, I would have held back from entering into their grief with them, as I would have felt guilty providing comfort, while I was holding my own healthy baby. 

Life is funny like that - you just can't always see how anything good can come out of a given situation. Without having lost our second baby, though, we wouldn't have Quinn. And who knows what things would be like with our friends who recently buried their son. 

...and I can say this now, while carrying another baby... There Is something kind of miraculous about having a baby at home with Jesus. Knowing they are living in perfect love and protection. Their only knowledge is heavenly. They will never experience hurt, pain, or disappointment. 

More and more, I am learning to enjoy and be thankful for each and every day of pregnancy, nausea and vomiting included. I do not enjoy pregnancy. For me the 3rd trimester is actually the most enjoyable. But i am learning to be thankful for the misery. To savor each kick and jab, every round ligament pain, and all the other not so fun elements of pregnancy. Every day is a gift, and not something to take for granted.

Her name is Quinn Collins, in case you didn't gather that from the announcement picture. Quinn is a name  we both liked, but Jared loved. We like not-so-popular names. And with our first daughter's name being Elliott Faith, i just didn't think Emily, Sarah, or Caroline would be a good fit. Quinn means "wise and intelligent." Collins, is a name I love, solidified  by the movie The Blindside (Collins was the name of the oldest daughter) and the fact that I am book nerd - Harper Collins Publishing. As if I wasn't a nerd enough, the science geek in me loves that her initials are Q.C. - quality control. I call her our QC baby - to see if we try this pregnancy thing again. Honestly, the jury is still out on that one. 

Here is our sweet girl, who just like her sister, likes to be shy around the camera.

But from what we can tell, these two girls are going to be clones of each other!!

I really thought I had done a better job photo documenting my belly, but from this remote location, these are the only pictures I could find.

With both my girls around 30 wks

My most recent belly pic, 32 wks, with one of my former college girls, at her rehearsal dinner.

One major difference is pregnancy, I am actually getting to nest, which really should be called driving your husband insane. We just swapped out the master bedroom and the nursery to give the girls more room to grow and play together. Everything is completely done for Quinn Collins' arrival, except the completion of the gallery art wall in their room, and the completion of my hospital bag. Here is a sneak peek at some of the art work I am working on.
Ellie Faith has no clue what is about to happen!:) she is not a fan of when Quinn kicks her, and when you ask her "Ellie, are you going to love baby Quinn?" her response, in a sweet singsong voice, is always "Dope," which is Ellie-speak  for "nope." But girlfriend loves her some babies, and is quite the little momma to all her stuffed animals and dolls. I really think she will adjust very well, after a few weeks. She is pretty routine oriented, so as long as we keep her on a schedule, I really think she will be fine.

But luckily, it looks like we are making some " loving baby Quinn" progress.

Be still and see the wondrous works of The Lord. Job 37:14


  1. I'm so thankful that you have a healthy little girl growing in your belly right now. The path to get here was so rough, but so worth it...

  2. Congratulations! I'm so happy for you and your family.