These small hours.... These little wonders

.... written last week on vacation

Our lives are made in these small hours

These little wonders, these twists and 

Turns of fate

Time falls away but these small hours

These small hours still remain.

When Jared and I first started dating, he had purchased a newish Rob Thomas cd and he was obsessed with it! Listened to it on constant repeat as he is known to do when he discovers and new album or song he likes. I loved the song street corner symphony from the album! Loved it so much, I had it as my text message alert on my flip phone, because that was cool. Errrr... Anyway, as luck would have, Jared did not like that song and informed me he skipped over it every time it came on. Luckily it did not have a lasting affect on our relationship, although it did cause me to change my text message alert... To Kelli Pickers red high heels. Don't hate! You just listen to that song and tell me you didn't have your own private dance and jam out session.

Thankfully, there were songs on the album we both enjoyed, Little Wonders being one of them. All these years later I still enjoy that song. I don't hear/listen to it often, but I was reminded of it today.

Right now I am sitting in our beach condo, 5 stories up. It is a gorgeous day, in the low 80's, pleasant breeze, low humidity. It's 3:30 pm, and I am already in from the beach. For the day. Oh, and I am already showered! What the heck am I doing indoors already!?!? Well, I have a precious toddler who desperately loves/needs her sleep and try as we did to convince her hanging out at the beach was so much more fun then napping, she just wasn't buying it. So here I sit, indoors, in the middle of a sunny day, on vacation. Yeah, this is very different for me.

I love the beach. And usually prefer a good 10am-4pm stint in the sun and water before even considering coming in. And I only would come in then, as my husbands family likes to go to out for dinner most nights while on vacation. Beachy hair and sand in my eyebrows isn't exactly dinner attire appropriate.

So coming in at 2pm, after not getting down to the beach until 10:45 am was a bit of a kick in the stomach for me. And in all  honesty, I started to have a little pity party for myself.

Before I move on too much, let me add my husband offered to stay and let me continue to enjoy this gorgeous day. I told him I really appreciated it, but we could just take turns each afternoon. I was already in and getting settled, so I would take today he could take tomorrow's nap shift. He then reminded me that he was playing golf tomorrow morning. Apparently my pity party was already in full affect without me even knowing it as my response was," well, that's even better. You will have had a completely kid free day, outside, doing what you love, so you can definitely take nap shift tomorrow, thanks, babe!" I am pretty sure he thinks he is getting the short end of the stick. ;)

Ellie Faith and I took a lot of trips in her first 9 months of life. I learned very quickly that trips/vacation as I previously knew them to be were no more! The "mom" needs, duties, and responsibilities never stop. I knew of this before  becoming a mom, but experiencing something is very different then just knowing. It provides understanding.

Most of the time I don't mind this understanding at all, and it usually jut requires a quick little adjustment of expectations and away we go.  But y'all, this is the beach!!!! I could be getting a tan right now. We all have heard the saying "tan/brown fat looks a heck of a lot better then white fat." We'll, this becomes exponentially more true the further into pregnancy you get. I could finish, my 3rd trimester with a bronzie glow (just ignore the lovely melasma that has showed up this pregnancy on my cheeks, forehead, and upper lip. I wish I was kidding!) clearly, finishing your pregnancy strong and healthy requires a nice solid tan, right? Again with my first world problems.

As I was climbing into the shower at the ridiculous hour of 2:45 pm, I realized I was hosting a pity party, and it was pathetic. I needed a serious attitude adjustment. Three friends immediately came to mind. 

Friend #1: mother of three young children, with a husband in intercity ministry, and a crazy life schedule. They were supposed to be leaving for the beach today, their first family vacation of just the  5 of them.  However, due to outside circumstances, their trip got cancelled about 48 hours ago!!

Friend #2: actively trying to have their first child, and recently was started on infertility drugs. They just returned from the beach, and I am sure there were many times where she saw families chasing after a high maintenance toddler and longingly wondered if she would ever get to experience that.

Friend #3: mother of three small boys, currently going through a divorce. She always wanted to take a family vacation, but her husband never made the time for it.

.... And I am pouting because I my pregnant self isn't getting the tan I want!!!  What a Despicable, awful, horrid, shallow, ungrateful person I am!!!

Then I remembered:

...these small hours... These little wonders

Time is flying by now that I am a mom. It feels like 2 months ago that we were at the beach last year with Ellie Faith shoveling fist fulls of sand into her mouth, including at least one cigarette butt that I know of...  All too soon, I am going to look back and long for these simple days, where our biggest concerns were naps and now many episodes of Doc Mcstuffins were ok to watch. We have way more complex issues looming in the distance. ( hormones and adolescence, anyone?!?) Soon, watching Ellie sleep via a monitor will be thought of as weird and creepy. But right now, in this moment, I can do it to my hearts content. I can look at her all i want and wonder how on earth did we ever get so lucky to receive such a gift from God?!! And oh dear god, how am I ever not going to screw her up as I try to raise her!?!? "  Because all too soon, we will be in the middle of those big life steering parenting decisions. All too soon I am going to be longing for theses small hours to be a part of our daily lives again. But they will be gone forever.

"friends" required for sleeping: Ca-Ca (penguin), Poo-Ba (pooh bear), Oof-Oof (puppy) and Baby

It's never going to be easier then it is right now.

"Well, maybe you can get some rest and take a nap too." Jared said as he kissed my forehead on his way out the door... To the the beach...to become even more tan.... But oh yeah, i am no longer bitter.:)

"But I am cooped up in a house alllll the time it seems, and my day revolves around an 18 month old's incredible need for sleep," is what I was whining on the inside. "Dang it, get this whale of a pregnant woman TAN!!"

Yes, it's true, there are plenty of days when I am dying to get out of the house, alone or with Ellie. But how often do I get to sit inside, watch whatever I want on tv, blog, surf the web, or read without having to ignore a to do list of laundry, cleaning, cooking, paying bills, etc. Um, never. I am sure all three of my friends I mentioned above would love to have the opportunity to sit quietly for a few hours in house at the beach, simply watching a toddler sleep on the monitor.

So, I choose joy and thankfulness. Joy in these small hours, these little wonders, and thankfulness for the opportunity and ability to experience them.

In closing, I feel I should mention my precious toddler who was acting like her life would be over if she didn't get sleep now, just woke up after only 2 hrs of sleeping. Girlfriend, if you are going to be that dramatic on the front end, at least have the decency to sleep a good three hours or more! I feel that is the least you can do if you insist on assisting in teaching mommy life lessons. Mommy was really hoping to blog and take a nap herself !!

... These small hours .... These little wonders...