Saturday, August 17, 2013

Do I remember how to do this?!?

'I am sure this blog has been removed from most blog rolls/readers by now. I have really missed putting my thoughts to words, but just haven't had/made the time to sit down and write. So much has happened in the past few months, yet much is still very much the same.

We are on vacation this week, to where I not-so-affectionately like to call "Pigeon Forge in the sand." Aka: Mrytle Beach. After we got married, jared informed me I was, of all things, a beach snob. Who knew?!?  Growing up, I was fortunate enough to have family and friends with beach connections in Destin and Hilton Head. I grew up "Beaching it" on private beaches in those locations, or places similar. Imagine my shock upon arrival to a high rise condo, with Jared's family, that people would set up camp two feet away from your reserved beach area,  light up a cigarette, pop open a corona, and blare  hip hop radio!!! I think I spent that entire week in a cross-state of mourning and shock. Ok, so maybe i am a touch of an unintentional beach snob. Thankfully, since then we have moved to a slightly more remote area of this sandy version of Pigeon Forge, so it is a bit more tranquil and much more enjoyable. Our condo this vacation, is actually my favorite so far. Of course, we now have a toddler who is learning more every day that she not only has opinions, but she can express them ... forcefully. I think tranquil vacations may be a thing of the past for ...oh... The next 25 years or so. And I am fine with that. Or at least, i am learning to adjust vacation expectations accordingly.;)

Basically, as long as we can enjoy time with Jared, without him having to work too much remotely, it will be a great time. He has been working so hard (and long) these past few weeks (and its paying off) we just need some extended time together as a family.

I have a goal to write every day, probably either in the morning or evening while the toddler sleeps.:) I don't plan on posting these posts daily, but post dating them for the future, in an effort to get back
into the blogging swing. Unfortunately, I only have my iPhone and Jared's iPad so typing out posts is proving a little bit more difficult/time consuming. Truly, a first world problem. Hoping I get faster with practice.

In catch up... 

We had different spring semester then usual. For those of you who are new around here, my husband and I are very involved in a campus ministry at the university of Tennessee. Therefore, my year is often mentally categoried as fall and spring semesters and summer break. Anyway, this spring, on top of recovering from the miscarriage, helping run the women's ministry and bible, and raising a toddler, I also started keeping an infant for a friend who was new to town.

Ellie Faith loved having a live doll to play with (and gave her the name Cee Cee, which is no where close to her real name!) and I liked her having the daily interaction with another kid invading her territory/kingdom. However, the two could not have had more different personalities or schedules! The first few weeks, there was only a 30 minute window during the day where I could count on having them in their cribs at the same time. Yes, I realize this is very similar to having two kids. these two were only 9 months apart. I now realize there is a reason God does not allow siblings to be so close in age, borrowing prematurity.

 I also learned there is definitely a difference in caring for your own child vs caring for someone else's child. I was really surprised by just how different it was! don't get me wrong, I loved having "Cee Cee" with us,and love that little girl dearly. I babysat and nannied all through high school and college, and loved it! I loved it so much, I went onto practice pediatric nursing for nearly 10 years, and loved it even more. In addition to loving kids, Jared and I have always been extremely open to adoption, and definitely foresee it in our family's future. I think I was a little disappointed in myself at how long it was taking me to adjust to our new not so normal routine. But it was a great learning season for me. And a time in our family I would not change.

i do think it helped me be at least mentally prepared/aware of what to expect when Ellie Faith has a sibling. I think I've mentioned before, and it was probably pretty obvious, we were given the worlds easiest baby in Ellie - minus the dairy allergy and massive poop blow outs that always had to happen out in public. Plus, I loooooove newborns!! I can honestly say that infancy was way easier for me than toddlerhood is proving to be. And we have a great toddler. It's just that she is only now really able to exert her will against ours. So basically, I am not in as much control over our days as I was this time last year.

Our next child could come out completely different and have me counting the minutes and sleepless hours until toddlerhood finally comes our way again. 

Either way, I now realize we will never have the same kind of sweet time we had as a new little family of three as we did when Ellie Faith entered our lives. No, it will be a different kind of sweet time. No less special. Just different

I am a goal setter and a planner. I like to mentally prepare for what is to come. I think this experience helped prepare me, on a small scale, for that different kind of sweet another child,whether delivered from my body or received into our hearts through adoption, will bring. 

Gosh, I have really lost whatever ability I ever had to write a blog with any type of flow

All that above rambling was, in essence, to say even in my absence I have been experiencing a lot of life and learning a lot about myself. And that is what I want to be better at writing down. The lessons I am learning and how I process them. 

I really encouraged my college girls over the past two semesters to take time occasionally to look back and take note of their lives. They would probably be surprised to see God's hand over them in places and at times they never were aware of His presence at the time. I think one of my last posts even had to do with " sometimes you have to look to back to see where you have come from". But I am not good at navigating this blogger app, so I can't be sure.

Recently, I received a comment from a first time reader on my labor playlist post. It caused me to go back and read that post as well as Ellie's birth story. If you have read either of those posts you know I do not have warm fuzzy thoughts on labor. However, reading back over those posts reminded me of many positives that happened to me through those awful yet incredible moments. It helped empower me mentally for the next time my body has to experience labor and delivery.

So here is to trying to do better about documenting this journey I am on. It is not exciting, thrilling, glamorous, creative, or impressive. But it's my own journey, custom made for me by my Heavenly Father, therefore it is special for me. And I want to make the most of it and remember it well. 

And because it wouldn't be a typical post from me without pictures, here are a few recents of me with my favorite people!